Part V: On the Go - Days of Being Kao

ภาคห้า: เก้า ไป

Apr 18

Word of The Day: “Quirky”

There was a slight blockage in the sink, so I asked Z. what I had to buy since she had once successfully unblocked the drainer in the bathroom. She said it was a liquid with black bottle and orange lid and told me where to find it in the neighborhood supermarket. Then, she looked at me, who was wearing all-back with one-red-turned-orange hair. “It’s like you,” she said, holding her laugh. Oh, that was a clear instruction. When I went to find it at the supermarket, the bottle, she was right, looked exactly like me today (or in the other way around?) I presented myself with the bottle to Z., she laughed big time. Then I showed a picture of myself, dressed like a trash can in the faculty’s library. She continued laughing. After that, I took a photo of myself and posted it on Instagram. 

While I was looking at two versions of myself dressed like some hygiene-related stuff, I thought of her words. “Yeah, you’re weird, but not in a creepy way.” So I abruptly wanted to get a second opinion about myself from Z. (Actually I’d wanted to ask her about her friend, she’s kinda attractive, but okay, I had to restrain myself for this moment.) “How weird do you think I am?” I got out of my bedroom and asked that out of nowhere. “What is weird? And what is normal?” she rhetorically answered. She said the word “quirky” would be better to describe someone like me. How the heck is it different from “weird”? But okay. Then I explained that I was different from guys the same age with my style and lifestyle, that sometimes my weirdness could be an obstacle for connecting with new people or dating someone, that sometimes I felt insecure. “That didn’t make you weird though. You just prefer having a routine and staying home at night and stuff. Plus you don’t have to get every person to understand you and who you are. Do you get along well with everyone. No.” I didn’t argue. “So, you don’t want to be weird?” No hell no, I love myself like this. “Then why did you ask? That was weird,” and she laughed. Yeah, even I knew this was weird and comical. Nah, I just wanted to do some social experiment on how other people think towards me. We talked a bit more about who and how we are, and went back to our rooms. “Let me know once you’ve finished your experiment.” 

Eh...

…..

Apr 19

I didn’t want to have a word with her as her wound still hurt and she couldn’t talk much. And I had to “close an eye” to her (it’s a Thai expression, meaning to care less or to ignore). She seemed to ignore me a bit too. So that was great that it might go both ways. However, at night, I was watching Better Call Saul (a fantastic series by the way). 15 minutes before midnight, while I was gonna hit the bed and the door was still wide-open as always, “Pete,” she called me. Ah, something happened for sure. “Can you adskgsadjg me feopkf taxi, the bleeding started again” fuck this seems like I’m mocking her but I really couldn’t catch some words. I understood she wanted me to take her downstairs to the taxi, but seeing her condition and those blood-tinged mucuses (my God I’m so bad at the vocab on medicine), I asked if she wanted company. She shook her head. Give me a minute, let me change, I said. “The taxi is arriving in a minute,” she showed her phone. Fuck. I rushed to the bathroom, almost ready, and she was leaving the flat. “Girl, couldn’t you just wait 30 seconds more for me?!” I complained to myself in Thai. Despite that, she had to wait for me anyway as she’d forgotten her wallet and I had to climb back to get it. Luckily, when we arrived at the hospital, the nurses sent her immediately to the ER’s otolaryngologist (another medical term ugh) and he was clear and calm. I helped her communicate with the staff and run back and forth to get an X-Ray result. Objectively, she was in pretty bad shape, I mean, spitting saliva and blood all the time and running out of force. “Sorry if the blood looks disgusting to you,” she tried to make a joke out of it. “I’ve been through a lot of things, so this isn’t scaring me,” I smiled back, briefly yet gently touching on her shoulder. After two hours in the ER, she had to be admitted two nights there. “You have five minutes, then you have to leave,” a nurse told me. She thanked me for accompanying and said that someone would go to the apartment and bring her stuff in the morning. “You’ll have to pay for the taxi back, or are you taking a bus.” Thank you girl for being considerate, but I wouldn’t take a bus at 2 even if there was one. I left the ward without looking back, saying “ευχαριστώ” to another doctor taking her case. “Nothing at all,” he replied. It must have been their habit of saying ‘τίποτα (nothing)’ to someone thanking them, I’ve noticed. 

On the way back alone, I just had this thought. Would she do the same thing without hesitance if she were me? I’m still doubting that. But I’ve always felt that there’s sort of a disproportion in our relationship, friendship, or whatever you might call it. I’m the one who’s given more and received little. I didn’t expect that she would have to make up for everything I’ve done for and with her. Frankly, all of this might be my own responsibility and fault. My caring for her wasn’t probably needed in the first place, but I insisted on giving it to her. Maybe, it’s always been my fault sticking my nose into her life. Then, this popped up: what if she is my adversary from past life, trying to take revenge by draining my material resources and courage in this life? Honestly, when she isn’t around, I feel so relieved and unworried. This also happened to me with a friend of mine last year. She was unwell. I was there for her and tried to cheer her up, getting quite exhausted. Then, she just disappeared. She sent happy birthday messages to people whom she’d claimed to have “hurt” her, but didn’t send me anything when my birthday arrived. She ignored me. I didn’t mind that she didn’t wish me anything on my BD, but I did mind that she tried to please her “abusers” (this is the term she used). That was my breaking point. I couldn’t be there for her anymore. So I distanced myself from her, wishing she’d stop hurting herself one day. I think she was definitely one of my adversaries from past life. (Goddamnit most of them happen to be girls.) And after I let this friend of mine go, my worries about her went away too. And I don’t have hard feelings for her anymore. Yeah, that’s why I suppose history is repeating itself now. If this adversary of my past life really happens to be this particular person whom I really love and care about, I want to make it up to her in this life so that we could eventually break our vicious cycle, our samsara, if it exists.

I’m praying both for her to get well soon and for this past enemy, if it really exists inside her, to get over both past and present me. 

My beloved karma.

…..

I wanted to burn down those bridges so badly but couldn’t, yet. So at least I am just being a good neighbor.

…..

Apr 20

There was a great sign since the first 15 minutes that this hiking in the heart of Olympus could go a bit wrong. The leaders took a wrong turn at the beginning and it caused about half an hour gone in the wind. I’d say it was a massive excursion in the woods, of course with no internet data, with an amount of people in two buses. I barely knew no one but a couple people from ESN. Then I got to meet some students who just came here this semester. I met this Macedonian girl who’d done her internship in Kasetsart University two years ago as a part of her studies. “Did you have to wear a uniform?” I funnily asked her because uniforms are still mandatory in most Thai unis. She didn’t, good for her. It was quite surprising that I found a person doing something related to education in Thailand. We’re still behind many Asian countries in that. Anyways, there was also a Filipino who went to BKK many times. “Did you go to Phrom Phong?” I joked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Then he winked at me and I laughed big time. “What’s Phrom Phong?” The Chinese girl, his (or their?) friend who was also super fun, asked. “It’s an area in Bangkok,” I was laughing a bit more. 

After a pit stop at the cave monastery, I continued to walk alone. I was on the front line so that I could arrive at the bus early, rest my feet and go to the toilet. We separated from the other half of the people and arrived at the view point, which was accessible by cars, around 4, one hour behind schedule. We could see the town of Litochoro down there, but it’d be insane if we had to walk down there. So, I thought the buses would have to pick us up here, at the view point. Then the leaders said we had to continue walking to the town. I was, what! But okay. So we spent one and a half hour more just to find out later that we should have just waited at the viewpoint: the other half already took the bus from there,  already on the way back to SKG. « Κάναμε λάθος! », an ESN girl shouted to one of the leaders. I laughed, already holding my pee for hours. Πλακά είναι, what a joke. Then we arrived at Litochoro and I saw this hotel where I could use the toilet. I thought speaking Greek might get me to use the washroom. “It’s only for guests, sorry,” the owner denied the access. Fuck, and there were no shops around. It was the most torturous moment of my life in years. I didn’t give shit nor talk to anyone as they looked at me strangely (probably because of my hair). Finally I got to use the toilet and got to the bus at 6:30.

Closest to the gods

Many people were right. I do things ahead of time and I solve problems quite quickly. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not because I don’t give them enough thoughts and time. Sometimes I’m too advanced that it becomes a setback, like today, I’ve realized.

I loved the views during most of the hiking. It reminded me of Mont Fuji somehow. The air was refreshing, it wasn’t too hot nor too cold, so it was a perfect condition to be outside for a whole day. I was focusing on walking, so I didn’t talk to other people except for the first two hours. I was, and am, too tired to connect with new people. So this is my recent methodology: I let people reach me out first, then if I have a good impression, I talk with them. I think this must be because of my ego. What’s the point talking to some people who don’t want to talk to us in the first place? My problem was that I tried to make people have a good impression about me, and eventually too many of them didn’t. This might have also affected my trust issue too. 

Lost & found

…..

When I got back from the canteen, I met Thanh Thanh by chance at a bus stop as it was raining. She didn’t want to wait for a bus, so we walked back. We talked about what we were doing during the week. Some stories led to this question from her: whom do I love from all the girls I’ve told her about?  To be honest, I said, there are five. My Thai friends would call me a horny person, haha.” Yeah I am one. I might have been “too easy” about women, but the feelings I had for all of them were real, whether I just liked some of them or I really loved some others. Please judge me as you’d like, I’ve judged myself to be a terrible person about this issue. “I prefer having all those feelings to having none,” I said to my friend before heading back home. “Are you saying it’s bad not to have a feeling for anyone like I am?” she joked. Then we separated. 

…..

My brand is also weirdness.

…..

Apr 24

The sound of the hoover woke her up. “You woke me up,” she said, “can you use it after 10?” Telling me to do housework after 10 was like telling her to get up at 8 everyday. “I have something else to do after 10, no?” So I wouldn’t change my cleaning schedule. Gonna use a sweeper like before instead. See, I’m a compromising person. I was sorry to have woken her up, but I didn’t like her tone. This was the second time. It was a yellow card.

…..

That wasn’t that hard, telling people something you want them to do or not to do. I’d say it was a good start to care more about myself. 

…..

Z. was right. If you cherish a relationship with someone, you have to get the courage to speak to them directly when there's a problem. 

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Apr 27

OTW to Sofia with ESN

Many times, traveling is fascinating not because of the destinations, but the paths and people we meet along the way.

…..

Two nights ago I had a movie night with a couple Greeks who are fans of Apo and Mind from a famous Thai BL series, Kinnporche. We watched their latest film ManSuang which is about some phrai guys having to spy on “the nation’s” (elite) traitors in a Bangkokian entertainment complex in wake of the King Rama III’s death and of the fear towards foreigners. I’d watched the film once last year, so Filena kept asking me if there’d be some “spicy” scenes from those two actors. “Let’s wait and see, I said, otherwise what’s the fun of watching this?” There was no romantic scene from Apo-Mind, and Filena’s little disappointment was inevitable. “At least Apo was naked on the top though,” I consoled. It was a fun watch. We made fun of the movie (respectfully, Ms Bua) and of each other. I’ve always had a problem pronouncing “s” in English, so it was a bit of a struggle to say the word “prostitute” and I used the word “πουτάνα (poutana - bitch; prostitute)” instead. The girls were surprised by me and laughed big time. “What’s the word ‘pimp’ in Greek anyway?” I asked. One of them answered: “IDK, πουτάνος (poutanos)?” Then we laughed again. Even if the word doesn’t exist, it seems alright. My God, we turned a decent mystery thriller into a comedy. 

After that we went out to the ESN Brazilian Disco night. Usually I have my “one-hour” rule every time I go to a party at a club or a bar: I have fun for an hour, then get the hell out of there before being bored. But that night I had more fun and stayed there for almost two hours, drinking, jiving and talking to some lovely people. (Still don’t know why the fuck some girls said “Bruce Lee” and “Jackie Chan” to me. Probably because of my short-sleeved chino shirt. I just didn’t care about these people and left.) It was a great night.

…..

“I see you, you see me. That’s the Kominsky method”, a line from The Kominsky Method (another great sitcom even though it’s for adults and elders), is the most memorable one from any series or movies I’ve watched. I’ve just realized the real meaning of it very recently. It talks about a mutual (or should I say reciprocal?) caring and loving. We only see each other when we equally care and understand each other's side. This’s always been what I subconsciously value but might get from a small number of people. Some people who might have not equally given a shit to me have disappeared. And I, admittedly, have ghosted some who gave more attention than I gave them. I know we can neither like nor keep everyone entering in our life, but I must learn how to give more shit to the people who really see me. I have to see them back to lessen one misery of this world. 

…..

Love is like an act of rebellion. If it succeeds, that’s called a revolution; if it fails, a treason.

…..

Apr 28

I think just two days and a night in Sofia is enough to visit. I quite like the city although it’s a bit too small for me. Its public transportation, despite years of operation, works and is reliable. Night life seems fun. Food is varied (lunch at a Korean restaurant really made my day). There are not many interesting attractions in my opinion, but there are nice parks with refreshing air and environment. 

I decided to skip some activities with ESN during the trip, and I think I made the right call. Instead of going to the club, I discovered this “hidden” bar and came back to the hotel to take a nice bath. I didn’t join the picnic in the next day’s afternoon but opted to have a Korean noodle and then roamed around the city center alone. I didn’t care how other people would think of my actions and my indifference to some of them, nothing personal though, just didn’t feel connected. I would have felt like a total freak if I had paid attention to them. But eventually I just didn’t care. I just did whatever I wanted without (hopefully) causing any problem to the others. Everyone deserves to design their own happiness. We are all grown-ups so this shouldn’t be complicated to understand. I felt comfortable to partially participate and did enjoy talking with many people and joining this trip. I am a difficult person, but I know how to behave myself when I am with other people.

…..

Apr 30

We had a visit to the Dali immersive exhibition today at the port. The meeting time was 18:30, so I planned to be there on time. I wandered around the warehouses and arrived at the exhibition from the rear of the port. I saw a familiar pair of shoes which I knew were Mme L’s. She was sitting on a bench alone. I got scared that nobody would show up, so I texted where the others were. They are coming, one said. So in the meantime I hid behind a tree, then showed up when my colleagues arrived. “When did you arrive here? I couldn’t see you,” Mme L asked me. I was a bit awkward: “I took a walk around, Madame.” To be honest I had nothing personal with Mme L. She was, and is, a decent teacher. Anyway, she had this weird energy when I was around her, but she did care for her students in her own way. Once Mme L. knew I’d asked Ch., the programme’s administrative coordinator, if there was a counseling service here, she reached out to me during her class. “Να σου πω;” - can I talk to you? Maybe it was unusual that a student asked for such service. Or maybe this society was not still used to it. 

Futuristic είναι

…..

Mayday 

It has come to a point that I feel so relieved when she’s not around even though I do still love her.

…..

This might be an invalid remark, but a person who has lived in many countries seems to be nicer and kinder than a normal person. Maïté and Antoine are perfect examples in this observation of mine. 

…..

I had dinner at Jiang Nan then rode my bike to the music hall. I’d never gone there in the evening, only some times passing by while exercising in the morning. I saw from afar a free bench where we could see both the city and the sea views. In just half a minute, it was taken. So I sat on another bench facing only the sea. Actually it wasn’t a bad spot at all. Even more refreshing to just see the water and mountain chains, no buildings in sight. Then, I thought about her. About some people. About my studies. I think I did most of the things right according to the situations in front of me. But… It just somehow felt wrong. My efforts, they were of course not wasted for lost causes. But what’s the point of being somewhere people don’t see you even if they say they do? What’s the point of doing something to which people seem not to show their appreciation even if they say they do. It’s not anyone’s fault. You cannot force anyone to see the value of what you’re doing. We might also have acted like that at some point of our life, consciously or not. Still, that hurts. We have to accept the way things go (wrong) if they’re meant to be like that, then look another way. Just look straight to the ocean and the mountains.

I’m proudly painful and painfully proud for both achievements and disappointments in the past few years.

…..

May 2

Finally bought Norwegian Wood. Had heard about the book (and its film adaptation) for a long time. This’ll be my first time reading Murakami’s novel. I also decided to buy it for the sake of its title. Couldn’t just get it out of my head.

…..

Luckily the conversation didn’t happen yet. I’ve got some more time to think how to put the words without causing any misunderstanding or making it as little as possible. Bambi was right, I was just slighted and cared too much. No one is to blame, even me. Or I probably should blame cultural differences for the perception(s) of caring and hospitality. Maybe all of this is about karma. Anyhow, it is my responsibility to take care of my own feelings. This time I really need her participation. This time I need her help. We never know if past or next lives exist. But vicious cycles, if not samsara, do. Religiously speaking, to break such a cycle with anyone, we have to sincerely and consciously forgive each other (we say “a-ho-si-kam” - the action is done, effectless to next lives). I want to do this not for any but present life, this life, for now. 

…..

The other day I asked Yaxuan how to translate the term “客气 (kè qì)” into English. It’s a word used when we don’t want to bother someone to do something for us (even if they offer their hand). We have an equivalent of kè qì in Thai: “grang-jai (เกรงใจ)”. She said there’s no word that means the same thing in English. I think in Western languages it has to be turned into sentences in the negative form. “Thanks, but I don’t wanna bother you” ; “Je ne veux pas t’embêter” (just saw the word from Deaw Special: Super Soft Power’s French subtitle) ; Δεν θέλω να σ’ ενοχλήσω”, etc. This is such an Asian notion, and sometimes we’re too grang-jai or even too proud to seek help when it’s necessary. 

…..

May 4

I got some awkward fun and a headache from my taxi driver this morning.

Five to eight, I just finished my breakfast and was about to put the chargers in my bag. Then my phone rang, it was a taxi driver calling. He asked if I could go 15 minutes earlier than scheduled. No prom. Just hearing his voice one could tell he was a too fucking energetic and bragging person. I went downstairs, threw out the trash, and saw the taxi parked nearby. But where was the freaking driver? “Hi my friend!” Someone shouted with a clear, emphasized /r/ sound. No one was on the sidewalk, so I looked up. He was climbing a tree, pulling some branches down. “Where are you from?” “Oh! Thailand! Muay Thai!” “I do Muay Thai (*punching in the air*)” “I’m the best of all Greeks!” “Look! I’m the red one, don’t fucking watch that μαλακάς (he showed me a video of him fighting on a ring seven years ago.)” “I win, I win!” “I want to go to Thailand and do Muay Thai.” “You have some friends I can fuck one night and leave?” “I’m old now, 37, but still handsome!” “Yes, πολύ όμορφος,” I played along. “Thank you, my friend! Your Greek is the best!” It was the most exhausting taxi ride so far, but again, it was also fun. “Χάρηκα πολύ, καλό Πάσχα,” I left the taxi when arriving to the bus station.

…..

Last night I was betrayed by the Artscapella, the girls from my French major and the English majors back in Chula. They gossiped about me (being a playboy, if I remember well) and told me to fuck off their Line chat group. Then I was awake. Oh it was just a dream, and I continued sleeping. The dream hadn’t ended yet. Somehow she showed up in the chat and told me she didn’t want to see me again or something. Then she asked Jaja, Japan and maybe Pin to hang out. I woke up again, it was almost 6, almost time to get up. Shit that was scary.

…..

I just saw yesterday there’d been a smoke detector in the kitchen’s cellar, but now it was removed. Sometimes it takes time to notice something (even obvious) in our own place. Sometimes people living with you don’t really “see your head” or give you that kind of impression.  

…..

I explained a slang verb “to wong kar-wai” in Thai to Jeje, the Chinese girl I met during the Olympus trip and also a fan of Wong’s films. At first I just said that the verb was used “to describe someone doing something like a character from [one of] his film[s].” She thought that it “means doing something gays.” Hahaha, that’s a good one. So I added more details: It means to be lonely, incomprehensible and lost in thoughts. Look at her reaction:

Damn… it sounds very poetic… even though this type of person sounds like need to 

improve their mental health hahaha, but I like this new Thai word!

Wow she understood the meaning of the verb better than me. I also wong kar-wai a lot. Maybe I should get a second shrink. 

…..

May 5

Turns out the Greeks are good at organizing big celebrations. The Orthodox Easter celebration here in Corfu (aka Kepkyra) was pretty fun, and a bit wild. I missed the clay pot throwing stuff in the morning as I arrived at 16:00. But I still got to see those fragmented red clay pots everywhere in the center’s streets. Wonder if someone got injured by that. I roamed around the old town instead. The architecture seems different from other Greek cities although the city plan, not so much. I’d say Corfu’s architecture is half Italian, inside the old town, half Greek, in the residential areas. There were some angles that reminded me of Barcelona, which I visited around this time last year. Late at night, I went to see a ritual for the second Resurrection and fireworks in the Liston square. The firework show lasted for 15 minutes and was really spectacular. There were services in churches and celebrations after midnight, but I returned to the hotel at 0:30. I said it was a bit wild because after the fireworks, there was some fighting and people screaming at the square. Plus, I crossed paths with a man who held his fit uptight, seemingly drunk and ready to punch anyone on his way. To put it funnily, it seemed to also be a “sacred ritual of the sinners (งานบุญคนบาป).”

…..

I guess everyone has at least a person who shortly came into our lives but influences us for the rest of our lives. That’s what I got from a chat with Bambi this morning. She has one, I have some. 

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May 6 

Last Friday a company in Thes where I’d applied for a job three weeks ago just reached out to me. They said because of some technical problems, my application was archived and unseen. Honestly I thought they were just ghosting me and I already forgot about this application. But when they’d fixed it, they were interested in my candidature and sent me an assignment to see if I’d fit for the position as a FR-EN content moderator. So this was my one last try concerning my career path abroad. It seems unlikely to get it, but I’ve tried my best. 

…..

Usually when I travel alone I don’t force myself to chat with anyone. But if someone talks to me first and I feel comfortable, I just go with the flow. Yesterday I talked to one of the roomies. He was a middle-age Greek and came here to find a summer job as a chef. It’s quite common for many people here to work in the islands during the summer as the pay is better than in other seasons. However, it’s likely that a lot of employers take advantage of their employees by keeping them working overtime without extra pay. “We’re used to it,” he said. He has a family to look after and that’s how things work here. So not so many choices to take. At least he already had some connection in Corfu, so it’d be easier for him. I wished him καλή επιτυχία.

In the evening I hung out with a Mexican/Canadian girl in Corfu old town. We met in the hostel’s kitchen and she was very sociable and friendly. She’d been traveling for two months now and would fly to France today to pursue her career. We talked about a million little things: traveling, languages, sitcoms (my God she’d also watched Seinfeld!), our studies (hers is criminology), our plans, etc. Then before returning to the hostel we got to see a sunset just in time and it was magnifique. It’s always beautiful to share a sunset moment with someone even though we come across with them just a day, a few hours. I wish her bonne chance for her life in Paris. She hasn’t replied to my messages yet.

If you’re a conscient tourist (I think most of us are), you will see the natures of people in that town you visit. Mainly (and stereotypically) there are two types of people: dickhead shits and nice human beings. Yesterday, Easter Sunday, I wanted to have some Easter grilled lamb dish for lunch and a restaurant I’d intended to go to was closed. So I had to eat at Souvlakia Mamma next to Saroko square. The manager (I guess), Michael, said that I could only order a portion of pork or chicken and claimed that lamb was out. But when Greek customers and a white man came in later, they could order a portion of lamb without problem. I tried to mess up (and really wanted to order) a kilogram of lamb to another younger employee. But this fucking Michael told him “Ασέ τον”, leave him. He thought I wouldn’t have a clue. Hm, να πάρει Michael. I ended up having a chicken, and those two men dared enough to ask me if everything was alright. I didn’t want to make a scene (even though I could) so I just paid and left. 

This morning I finally visited the Old Fortress. I was going to pay for a three-euro student ticket, money and my student ID in my hand. “Καλημέρα, ένα φοιτητικό εισιτήριο, παρακαλώ,” I said. The employee, a serious middle-age, big guy, took the coins and was about to give the ticket. Then, he took it back and returned me those coins. He said something unclearly but pointed his hand to the fortress, suggesting I could enter without pay. I was a bit surprised but thanked him quickly because of visitors waiting to buy tickets. 

I think we must have all experienced some moments like these. I mean, being fair and honest is a normal way to treat tourists (and actually to all fellow human beings). Kindness is a plus, a big one sometimes, while arrogance is easily spotted these days. Don’t look down on anyone (unless you know them well enough and they should get that kind of wake-up call), and be sympathetic. 

…..

Are those dark clouds a sign of anything?

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Having someone cook a noodle at 11 p.m. makes me feel like I’m home (or in a Wong film because of those Chinese decorations.)

…..

Eventually I felt relieved even though she was around. I was worried when she was still unwell but could say that to her when she was asking me why I looked stressed. Now I felt relieved because she was fine and because I told her I was happy she was fine. That was all I wanted.

…..

So hyped with The Fall Guy tonight. I wish I could be half-cool as Ryan.

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May 9

Last night I watched Perfect Days for the third time. This time I understood more and more the feelings of Mr Hirayama. We just appreciate our lives, knowing our places and roles, isolating ourselves to most people (in my case it’s just for now) and  looking up at the skies and trees. Some (probably the Westerns) might find this depressing, I’d just say it’s solitary. I’ve lately also liked doing things from behind. Fuck that sounds weird. I mean, doing things whether it is noticed or not. Today I was happy all of us were together for the first time in a while in the kitchen I’d regularly cleaned and mopped on Wednesdays. The girls had a talk, I quietly and peacefully ate my ground beef on rice.

I think I was born to be naturally good, if not great, at doing good things behind the scenes.

I clean, therefore I am.

…..

Sometimes people who are far away from us make us happier than the ones who are close.

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Guess we don’t owe anything anymore in any life. 

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I went to a buffet night at a Chinese resto tonight. It wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t a big line of food and it cost a bit high (19 euros) compared to what I could get from buffet places in France with the same price. Anyway, I couldn’t help noticing that people who came here tonight for the buffet ate quite fast, around an hour per table. But it was a bit ironic to me that people spent less time at a restaurant than at a cafe. How on earth could you drink a tiny little shot of coffee and talk for three hours but have dinner quite quickly at an all-you-can-eat place? Probably because of not so many choices of food there were and because of the rain tonight. 

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May 10 

It is sad when we don’t get attention and care we don’t actually want from someone we are really worried about.

…..

Comedic moment of the day

Z. entered the kitchen. I kept forgetting to tell her I’d bought a pesticide because there were many bugs and insects lately.

“Does it kill mosquitoes? ‘Cause I have them in my room and the other night I had to wake up to kill one,” she asked.

“It does,” I replied.

“How do you know?”

“Because it says so” on the bottle. I said with a straight face.

Yeah I think I’m a quirky person like she’s said.

…..

May 11

An advantage of having a corner room is that you can see everything happening on the streets. And many times you can see fun stuff that you actually don’t want to see. This morning I was warming up before a jog, then I looked out the window and saw a middle-aged man scratching his balls on his balcony. Of course it wasn’t something pleasant to start your day with, but it was still hilarious. 

…..

I really was an embarrassment of mine. Last night I went to Brooklyn because I learnt that there’d be a DJ every Friday night and I’d never been there on Friday before. I greeted the owner, the DJ and some regular faces of the bar. Then I noticed this: everyone called the owner “Costa (abbreviating from Constantinos).” Then I knew that after all this time I’d wrongly called him Petro(s) and he’d never corrected me. “But the first time we met you said your name was Petros!” I said to Costa. “Oh I thought when you introduced yourself Pete, I said a Greek name for Pete is Petros,” he answered. Oh goddamnit it was so embarrassing. Still he seemed not to be defended or something. Before I left I paid for drinks to a Greek customer, who had spoken to me in French and bought me a drink months ago. He and his girlfriend ended up buying me two more σφηνάκια, or shots. We’d have ended up endlessly buying each other drinks if I hadn’t left first at five past 11. 

Goddamnit, my Costas. Why did you let me embarass myself for months?

Then I didn’t want to go home right away, so I went to Eightball for the first time in seven months. I didn’t know what party there’d be and this time the guard just pointed me to go upstairs (I just found out about the second club this time.) I had another beer, sitting in a corner and in the dark. Then they started playing some German punk rock songs from, I knew later, Rammstein. I began to tap, then stood up and walked to the floor, taking my jacket off and dancing (or I should say, shaking my head like a mad man.) It was so fun yet, strangely, relaxing to me. Dancing alone in the middle of lights, sounds, crowd and smoke, I truly felt alive. If I hadn’t been sleepy and had had another drink, I’d have been there until 4. It was a great night for me. 

Surprisingly good

…..

May 12

Last night I went to a bar to watch Eurovision with my friends and colleagues. I was aware that it was boycotted by many people because of Israel’s participation. I totally don’t like what those Zionists, always playing the antisemitism card to justify their actions, have done in Gaza. But I could still watch the contest while still condemning the Eurovision organizers for pretentiously being politically neutral. Anyway, I liked Greece’s Zari, Italy’s La Noia and, surprisingly, France’s super cheesy, yet so-good-when-performed-live Mon Amour. The Irish song was also not bad. It was fun, and also the first-and-last Eurovision I’d probably ever watched.

…..

I once told Abiba that Sunday always made me blue because there wasn’t much to do for a person who loved being busy like me. But today was quite a pleasant and chill Sunday. I woke up late, still did a jog, had meals from my own cooking, saw two flies dumping for 20 seconds while reading Norwegian Wood at the balcony, took a big nap, went out to the movies with Elena, came back home at a perfect 10 pm and peacefully ate my instant noodles alone. I really appreciated today. And I did think of her, a bit. 

…..

When you treat a friend as a “family,” you can say to them that you do so. But you can’t expect and never know whether they also really see you as their family until they treat you back in the same manner. I’ve been lucky enough to have this kind of people, many of them back in Thailand and some from CLE, in my life. I might have regretted that some people whom I considered as my own people didn’t think of me in the same way. But that’s alright, I’ve made peace with that. We can choose our family, but we can’t force anyone to see us as a family. 

…..

May 16

Two days ago Filena invited me to see a stand-up with her and her friends. I was finding an excuse not to be around the flat so I said yes. At first I thought it’d be a Greek comedian’s show, but it was a Romanian named Luanna performing in English. Her show was okay. It was fun but lacked structure despite a solid theme of “how to cheat on someone.” She kept switching between telling her jokes and talking to the audience, and it wasn’t smooth to me. Anyway, watching a live stand-up reminded me of the charm of comedy: even though you might hurt the feelings of some people: audience’s or your subjects’, you still make many more fellow human beings laugh and also be moved with your stories. 

…..

I just finished taking the first three parts of the Greek proficiency test (πιστοποίηση Ελληνομάθειας), with the oral and final part in the afternoon. I can say now it was the most chaotic and headache-ish exam I’ve ever taken. The examinees, mostly middle-aged, kept asking the examiner about instructions and questions on the test paper. I almost lost my focus and just wanted to tell them to shut the hell up, μαλάκιες. But I kinda understood that taking an exam wasn’t something they were used to (anymore), so I sympathized with them about that although it didn’t mean they could talk during the exam. A few people came to the exam just before the reading part was finished. All of this also made me realize that some things have their time to get done before we’re getting too old. Anyway, about the exam itself, it was as difficult as I’d expected with a twist in the listening part. I hope I’ll pass 60 per cent of all parts and get a certificate. It would be very nice and useful in the future.

…..

May 18

It was so funny the other night. While I just entered the kitchen to make myself a cup of chamomile, the girls were talking about men, and one of them said something like this: “men should express their feelings more.” Okay, thank you for telling us that, we’ll try, I said to myself, discreetly laughed and then left. The night later I told her about the scene and asked if I was a person who often talked about his feelings or not. “Yes, you do,” answered. “You’re above-average.” I slightly laughed.

…..

OTW to Marrakech 

One of the most typical things about the Greeks is that they ain’t shy to ask you to switch seats so that they could sit with their company during a flight. This was the second or third time someone did so to me. But it wasn’t bad at all this time. I was supposed to replace this Greek man at the 22C seat, sitting beside a couple. But I looked on my right and the 22D to F ones were all free. So I changed my seat again and got all three seats to myself. The Greek man could be with his friends; the couple could cuddle without a stranger on their right; I could get an aisle-to-window sofa even though there were two kids at the back. It was a win-win situation for all (maybe Aegean was the only one that lost because they couldn’t sell all the seats). Because of that, I could see this interesting geographical coincidence. Is it like a human, a starfish, a plane or a Pentagon? I was wondering.

…..

I was reading Norwegian Wood on the plane and weirdly I just had this thought: the food you usually have, no matter from which country it is, might somehow affect or correspond to your health and well-being. I normally eat freshly cooked food, and when I must deal with the leftovers, I’ll just heat them up quite long. Sometimes it takes more time to heat the leftovers than making a new dish. I feel healthy, sane and dynamic. She doesn’t usually properly cook, but just prepares some bread, spreads and salads or finishes her leftovers without heating them. I always eat like this, she once said to me. It sounded so scary to me I got spooked. We are different on EVERYTHING, and maybe that’s what I appreciate about us. 

…..

May 20

I think the Moroccan immigration is the most, of course unnecessarily, difficult one to me so far. They keep interrogating, as if they don’t trust we are tourists, and work quite too chillingly. In my case things got a bit more complicated because I held a French residence permit but would fly to Greece. So they sent me to the immigration office. “It’s expired,” the officer said when he saw a Schengen visa in my passport. “But I have my permit, and it’s not expired yet.” Damn, I think he was just messing with me; how an immigration officer doesn’t fucking know how these things work? Anyway, it seemed to me that I wasn’t the only one having this little inconvenience as there were two queues before me with the similar problem. Eventually, I passed the check point just in time before boarding.

…..

I suppose the reason I liked Marrakech is that it somehow looks like a province in Thai upcountry to me. Except the architecture and the geographical stuff, they are both disorganized, rurally chaotic and filled with the smoke of grilled meat (of course there is no that of pork here in Morocco). Stands in Jemaa el-Fna square are relatively like those in some Thai province. One thing I’d complain about this city is that when some locals in shops see someone like me, they just say “Japan? Korea?” This is not nice and shows their level of “duk-dann” ness. If they properly ask “where you from” and probably mock me later, I wouldn’t feel offended (actually there was a kid in Cyber Park asking so and seemingly felt exotic while seeing me, I quietly replied with a smile).

Random things in Marrakech and around

In the Old Town, Medina, I visited Bahia and Badi palaces. They were just amazing and the weather was neither too hot nor too cold. I got a chance to swim in the pool at my airbnb to relax a bit. The owner of the room was super nice and helpful, always asking me if I’d want anything more. The next day I booked a trip to visit Agafay desert and the valleys near the Atlas. The trip was okay but I got a bit disappointed as we went to just a few spots and spent much time traveling. But the views could compensate for that. After the day trip, I wandered in Medina again for a couple of hours, having some real local food and ending up with a drink at La Pergola. This rooftop bar was just perfect: they played Gawana music, which I enjoyed pretty much, and was also cozy and classy. Totally worth my €10 for a glass of beer. One funny thing, while I was listening to the live music, a guy with long red pony hair in a red jacket asked me if I enjoyed the music and said it was Moroccan. Then he asked if I also like rap. “Not so much, but I listen to hip-hop,” I said. “I’m a rapper, I’m kinda famous here,” he said. Sorry who’s asking you, habibi? I wanted to say that to him but was polite enough and smiled. Then he gave me his Instagram and I said I’d try to listen to his songs, which I did. I’ll let you try and criticize it by yourself. That’s my first trip ever in Africa and I’d love to come back one day. Casablanca is still an unfinished business of mine.

…..

May 22

What I’ve recently learned is that there is a difference between people who are like family and who are family. Those who are like family just say they love you like family but never really show their affection, only causing you burden and unease. Those who are family, by blood or by our choices, don’t treat you like shit, and they willingly unload all the charges on our shoulders even if we don’t want them to. All this time I loved her as family, as a sister. But she might not love me even as a friend like she once said. I feel she didn’t really care about me or about anyone. She was quite self-centered, and most of the time I felt shitty being around her even though I did most of the things to her right. I could see that now. Or she had cared, but it was no longer. I was disappointed at first, thinking she was different from the others. Then I realized that I couldn’t expect her or someone like her to reciprocate love if they didn’t even have any. So she was just like family. On the other hand, I’ve got big help from Maïté concerning my thesis. I asked her if she knew a native French person who could proofread my work and I’d pay them. She asked some of her friends and they were all busy. I didn’t want to bother her as she already had a shitload of responsibilities. Then yesterday she told me that she’d talked to her dad and he’d love to help proofread without pay. I just sent the introduction, then she said I could send the rest of the thesis. So I sent it and insisted that I give him a scarf of his choice as a thank-you gift. Don’t know if they eventually let me reciprocate my gratitude. I really appreciate their help. It’s a kind of person who, I could say, is family to me. We must never let our family out of our life. I’ve let too many in my life.

…..

May 23

I was cooking rice and beef in the kitchen, then she brought some guy back here. As I put my leftovers in a Tupperware, they were seemingly making love in her room. I didn’t care.

Oh it was a dream. I woke up because I needed to use the toilet. Then there was the sound of a guy from the balcony. They seemed to have a good chat, sitting on those chairs. While I was constantly flipping myself on the bed, I heard some noise from the kitchen, and a sound of the entrance door opening back and forth. I tried to sleep again. After quite some time, everything went to silence again. I finally fell asleep. I’d also have to tell my landlord to check on the door because it sounded funny sound.

…..

Pre-ultimate session

It felt really good to say it all out loud.

…..

May 24

OTW to Vienna

…..

Last night I was planning my visit and booking some tickets for attractions in Vienna and Bratislava. Then I went to the kitchen to make some Moroccan tea, and Maïté entered the kitchen. I could notice that she was off and quiet, but I was preparing my tea so I didn’t really pay attention to her. “Oh right now there’s a lot on my mind because I’m planning my trip for tomorrow,” I said to break the silence. She asked me what time I’d fly, that moment I turned to her and saw something was definitely wrong. I asked what happened. She sat down and immediately broke into tears. Briefly she had a shit day at her internship: people, her fellow French patriots, there just took advantage of her assigning a shitload of work more than she was supposed to do. They even said she might not finish her master’s degree in time because she was too busy, not only with her internship and her thesis but also her translator gig and personal stuff. I really sympathized with her because she had a lot on her plate. Anyway, I gave her advice that now she should finish her translation, which would be due sooner, first, then continue to write her thesis. That way she could focus on one thing at the time and it might be more efficient. About her internship, it would be over in a week and after that she wouldn’t have to deal with these people anymore. We talked a bit more and Z. joined us. Eventually Maïté was a bit more cheerful. “You know, when I met Maïté, I was just talking to her about my ‘problem’ of where to go in Vienna tomorrow while she had a real problem. When I actually saw her down, I was like ‘shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t read the room,” I bittersweet joked. They laughed. And the three of us went back to our rooms. 

One characteristic of this apartment is that most of us are adults and have grown-up problems. Even I started my adult life quite early by working freelance and stuff. But now, as the freest person among the four, I’m just living my life in Europe to the fullest before entering the next phrase of adulthood back home. My only responsibilities now are Greek lessons, which will be concluded very soon, and Wednesday cleanings at the flat. I was glad when the two said that this apartment was a good foundation for everything. I don’t know if the three of them (plus Juan last semester) would realize I’ve a bit facilitated their life by taking care of almost all the cleaning, avoiding annoyance of role distribution shit in the first place. Even if they might not see that, I am still content I’ve looked after the girls in my way. My girls, I’d say.

…..

May 25

OTW to Bratislava (for a day trip) 

Having no concrete plans during vacations sometimes gives you great experiences. Yesterday I intended to visit the exterior of Vienna Concert Hall, where The Piano Teacher was shot. But then I looked at the schedule, and there’d be some concerts in the evening. I went to the ticket office and they said if I wanted to get a student discount, I had to come back at 6 to see if there’d be spots left. I understood, then went to Naschmarkt and Schönbrunn palace. I came back to the concert hall at 6, and was surprised with the discount, from €56 to €12 (actually it’s a discount for those who are below 26 years old). Wow, that was a real fucking deal discount. The concert I attended was that of Quatuor Mosaïques and Raphaël Pidoux. Most of the audience were gray-haired, so in a sense I actually live my life like an elder. The concert was very pleasing and overwhelming to me at the same time. I also enjoyed watching the auditions’ gestures: some seemed contemplative, a few fell asleep. A madame in her 70s or 80s on my left really appreciated the music: she closed her eyes, slightly smiling and tapping her feet along. This must be what’s called a good quality of life in one’s final years.

Random things in Bratislava & Vienna

I HATE STAIRS

…..

While I was walking in Naschmarkt, I spotted this place selling Thai food. I knew I’d have my first meal there, Schnitzel could fucking wait. The seller, of course Thai, was super kind and friendly. She’d lived in Vienna for 30 years, working as a chef and training cooks, and was already retired. She gave me more food and a bottle of water for free. I said she didn’t have to. “It’s on the house,” she insisted. I was so happy. I mean, not every Thai living abroad has this kind of hospitality like this woman. Some I’d met in Stras, for example, were somewhat indifferent. But when you meet one who is really nice and sympathetic, it’s always wonderful.

The OG Thai food in Vienna Naschmarkt

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May 28

Last night, having watched 4Kings 2, I dreamt I was a slumdog drug dealer in, I think, Khlong Toei, one of the most impoverished areas in Bangkok. I don’t know why lately I’ve dreamt about some things from real life.

…..

May 31

OTW to Oslo

A couple nights ago I hung out with a Greek girl from the English Literature department. She’d remembered me from a seminar two months ago and I said we should grab a drink sometime. 

We met at Kamara after she finished her evening class. She was hungry so we found something to eat quickly. She took a hot dog, I took a chocolate croissant, unconventional to me. And then we went sitting by the sea. My croissant was pressed because it was heated up. I was having it. But when I looked at my pants, they were covered by the chocolate fudge, along with my shoes and shirt. Total mess. I looked like I had shitted on myself from the front, so embarrassed. “You’re not the first nor the last one to experience this,” she said, handing me a sheet of baby wipes. Yeah, it happens. But why tonight?! 

After that, we went to a bar and chatted. She was energetic, confident and, I’d say, real Greek. I enjoyed listening to her. “Why wouldn’t you talk about yourself? You let me do the talking alone!” She complained. Ha, you didn’t know, my secret is I like letting people talk. 

Looks like I shit myself in the front

…..

How’d you feel if you had to live under the same roof with someone who doesn’t love you?

…..

Jun 2

Based on my experiences, I didn’t like expensive Western countries like Switzerland and Denmark at all. And I didn’t think that I’d enjoy my trip in Oslo this much, aside from my initial intention to visit the Worst Person in the World filming locations. I got to go to many of them: Ekebergparken, Norli Universitetsgata, St. Hanshaugen park, Louises gate (where the iconic run took place), Oslo University hospital Ullevål and Akershuskai Søndre. And I also visited typical tourist spots like the Norwegian Folk Museum, Fran, Kon-Tiki, Oslo City Hall, Nobel Peace Museum, the port and Munch. I even sat in front of the Scream for a few minutes to appreciate the famous work of Munch; the guard must have been bored to see some people like me over and over again. I liked a half-day trip to Drøbak and the island of Oscarsborg fortress too. Moreover, I got to see a concert in the city’s festival in a park on the way back to my airbnb. It was fun. But it would’ve been more fun if I’d gotten a beer. I went to a minimart nearby and the employee said “no beer.” Oh, I forgot in some countries beer is only sold in bars and restaurants in the evening, the prime time of people hanging out. I like this kind of coincidence. Another coincidence was a Thai fest in downtown where I bought a fried chicken and rib with sticky rice and northeastern spicy sauce from the Obento’s booth. Wow. I felt completed. An hour before, the city tour guide and I had already walked past by the fest. “What is that!?” the guide wondered. It was “Tao Nyoi (เต่างอย),” a hit Morr Lam (literal translation: doctor dancing - a genre of dance music from the Northeast) song few years ago. “It’s a Thai fest, mister. I knew it when we were walking on a tour,” I told him. “So now you have to be my guide!” he joked. I’d say the Thai community in this country is quite big and warm. And the people who’ve moved here seem more varied than in other European cities. 

Great universal design

Oslo ain't interesting at all

Having an Oslo pass, I looked at activities and attractions included in it and a river walk tour along Akerselva sounded interesting. Plus it’d end a few hours before I had to go to the airport on Sunday evening. So I joined the tour. The waterfalls and the neighborhoods we walked past were all amazing. And we got to see how the locals spend their (pre-)summertime. The guide was a 65-year-old retired man who’d been a city guide for a 1.5 year, accompanied by his colleague around his age who’d started guiding not that long. After the tour the guide and I walked back to the center alone and we spoke about our societies, with me asking more about Norway. I hope one day I could grow old while still being active and joyful like this man.

…..

One of the fortune tellers told me I might end up with someone and move to a “freezing country.” If that country was Norway, I think I’d be totally worth it. At least this society seems to be diverse and open-hearted enough.

…..

One thing I didn’t expect to see a lot is that there are many (poor?) people in the city collecting cans and plastic bottles from bins, probably to sell them in recycling shops. 

…..

I thought I’d miss my flight from Belgrade back to Salonica because of a 40-min delay from Oslo. Luckily I didn’t have to pass the passport control again in Serbia and there was a delay to the second flight. A passenger had this weird problem, if I heard it right, that she wanted to go to Athens but they issued her ticket wrong. So she had to fly to Thessaloniki. What the heck. A family with a baby also had some problems, and the mother looked so scared they couldn’t make it. Quite a night for some people, but a smooth trip for me till the end.

My Pilgrimage

…..

Jun 4

After eight months, my Greek course finally ended today.

I rather felt relieved than happy. I enjoyed most of the time taking this course even though I didn’t feel “clicked” with my classmates. But the ones who left till the end of the course were nice people, I have to say (One big drawback of this course was that there was no girl.) Our teacher, Ms. Maria, was attentive and helpful. Frankly, I should have chosen to take an online course in the first place so that I could travel more without worrying about absences. But doing an on-site course pushed me, in a way, to study the language seriously and eventually take a proficiency exam.

…..

One of my English teachers back in high school posted an On This Day on her Facebook. Five years ago, I got a chance to give an opening speech in French during the school’s orientation day to the parents and guardians. I was so fucking nervous and I don’t think I spoke fluently that day. But when people didn’t understand shit about what I was saying, I guess it was okay. Now this teacher has moved back to her hometown in the South. I’m glad for her and for the students there, to have one fine teacher in their neighborhood. 

…..

Jun 5

If you can’t beat them, join them (maybe). 

…..

Jun 11

I take what I said the other day back. Going to rich, Scandinavian countries makes me literally sick. When I came back from Denmark, my inner ears got infected. And after Oslo, it was my salivary glands. In the later case it was a bad coincidence. It wasn’t just to see what kind of society they grew up in, but what they went through with their health. This might have been a curse to me.

…..

Everything happened so fast with this job interview back home. On Monday late at night (= early Tuesday morning in Thailand) I sent my CV to the corporate. On Wednesday they fixed an appointment and sent me a task for a presentation. Friday was the interview. I’m always bad at math and have zero experience with business management. But I had to try this chance applying for this business gig since it knocked on my door. If I got in, I could travel within and outside the country, use French and learn something new at the same time.

…..

I went to Nafpaktos, the hometown of my Greek buddy Elena, and Patra in the south of Greece during the weekend. I really liked the classic small town vibe of Nafpaktos: everyone knows anyone, and people just chill at the beaches. What I did for most of the time was to read Breasts and Eggs by the sea and swim. Anyway, I intended to visit the candle factory of Elena’s family. The grandfather was so kind that he kept giving me candles and oranges from their backyard. Grandparents anywhere in this world are all this cute, I assume. Her cousin and brother were fun too: they got along well while disputing about a million little things all the time. I bought them dinner to thank them for welcoming me to the town, which was something unacceptable to the local Greeks. “Shame on you!” the cousin joked, then thanked me. I also visited some spots around Nafpaktos and Patra. The latter town is the third-largest in the country, but I found it unattractive and purely concrete-forest like. But I did enjoy my private visit at Achaia Clauss winery, the oldest in Greece. It was literally private because there was only me! Totally worth my 14 euros. 

A view from Venetian Castle of Nafpaktos

I drove all by myself and I think I made the right call. I couldn’t go anywhere else outside Nafpaktos if I hadn’t rented a car. Anyway, driving still is a big test for my male ego and self-confidence. Sometimes when I drive, I choose to take the path I don’t know but feel right. And then I get lost. This time as well. At Ioannina, when I was supposed to take a local road I already knew to head back to Thessaloniki, I took the other one, thinking it would eventually lead to the A2 motorway. But it didn’t: it headed to the west towards Igomenistsa, the port town to Corfu. Luckily I knew I’d made a mistake, so I exited the motorway and found a way back, losing half an hour and some gas. I tried my luck again while my gas was running out. I didn’t want to fill the tank too early before returning the car to the rental company, otherwise I’d have to stop by at a gas station two times to fill the tank full. I drove as close to Thessaloniki as I could. 40 kilometers away from Salonica, the gas sign showed up on the console. I fortunately found a gas station just in time and the tank was filled more than full. So I didn’t have to stop by at another gas station again. 

After four weeks in a row of traveling, I have to stay in town to prepare my thesis presentation and some work. It’s good to stay home again. 

Another great vacation time

…..

Jun 14

This week one of my colleagues would leave the city. So we went out to Allos Tropos, a kafeneio near my apartment which has the best snails and one of the greatest pancetas in town. Then we met her landlord, an architect in his 30s (in the city many architects have this kind of side job since they know the property market; some of them even inherit the properties from their families). He was super so energetic and sociable that he proposed to us to have a drink at his place the following night and to go to Halkidiki on the weekend. When I saw this place the next day, I just knew that this guy was a bourgeois, educated, polite, highly probably horny and definitely lonely person. I never met a Greek guy this organized, sophisticated and super clean like him. He was also caring: when I got pain from sitting too long and started to lie down on the floor, he just brought some massaging devices for me to try. That was unexpected. “Oh, oh… ah…,” I sighed, then fell asleep. It was so funny. We stayed there, played games and drank until 4 in the morning. By the time I came home, she was back.

…..

Madam, thank you for thanking me for a little souvenir I’d given you a few months ago. But I think you should have thanked me more for taking care of your kid, perhaps better than some of your own relatives 😅

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Jun 16

I’ve just noticed that my antibiotic pills taste exactly like durians.

…..

Yesterday we made a day-trip to the Paradise Kavourotripes beach in the second leg of Halkidiki. It was almost 1 p.m. by the time we got there and there were a lot of people. But we managed to find a peaceful spot on a little beach. M., my colleague’s landlord, recommended this beach and joined us later in the evening. He was surprised to see a bunch of tourists coming because, according to him, not so many people came to this beach. He said that for the past few years, the locals choose to go to the beaches on the mainland as it’s a cheaper option compared to a trip to an island, which was something the Greeks used to do. Anyway, this beach was very beautiful with clear water and a picturesque view of the third Halkidiki leg in front of us. Nearby there was another little beach where people could get naked, so I swam there to check it out a bit. In the evening M. suggested we go to a seafood taverna called Gorgona and Pullman. “We have to have a proper meal!” I hungrily said. This restaurant was one of the best I’ve gone to in Greece. The atmosphere was exactly like a seafood restaurant in Thailand. The food was served quite quickly and was delicious. And I never saw the staff of any restaurant in this country this diligent and fast as this one. Overall, I really enjoyed the trip. And it was nice to travel with some other people from time to time. 

…..

Word of the day: “Just live like this (ก็อยู่กันไปอย่างนี้ - Koh-yoo-kan-pai-yang-nee)” 

When I finished returning the car from the airport, I got into a bus to get back downtown. I bought a bus ticket as usual, then it reminded me that most of the people here never paid for their buses. I don’t know if any of them have a monthly ticket or something, but if they do, they should at least validate. How does the bus company, KTEL Thessalonikis, still function if they can’t collect fares from passengers? Another mysterious thing here is the AUTh’s canteen. Students can get their food free, three meals a day, seven days a week. And we could get a second, and third meal if we are still not full. A few employees might look at you, but they don’t stop you getting more food. Again, how do these organizations still work? Juan once joked that everything here collapsed but it still went on. That’s amazing, isn’t it? Not to mention that some essential services, like supermarkets, restaurants or clinics, are closed on Sundays. Plus, many cafés and shops on the mainland close their doors in the summer while the workers opt to go to islands because of higher wages. That is how they live.

Back to the expression. I’ve subconsciously used it a lot lately. I mean, I just (have to endure) to live like this.

…..

Jun 20

Two days ago I rode my bicycle all the way to One Salonica to see Inside Out 2 in the soundtrack version in Imax. Instead I got my jaws dropped when I learnt that it was sold out. Tickets are discounted on Tuesdays and now it is a school break, so that day half of the kids and teenagers here went to the mall and the cinema. I decided to book a ticket for the next day at Apollon, an open-air cinema on the other side of the city. There were of course a bunch of kids and many foreigners, since it was hard to find the film’s screenings in English. The cinema itself reminded me of outdoor theaters in Thailand when there are fairs at the temples or at the city halls. Years ago my dad sponsored a temple fair in his hometown Samut Songkhram. And I still keep a picture of myself in front of the outdoor movie screen, showing some Chinese martial arts film, I think. 

I didn’t see big hooks from the sequel, but felt more related to it compared to the first film. I just wanted to pay my respect on my knees to the creators of Anxiety. The “I’m not good enough” line hit me pretty hard. What if after all of these master's things I am not good nor talented enough to get a decent job? Earlier yesterday I continued applying for jobs while insecurity was growing inside me. I have been sidelined for too long during the past five months, and I don’t want to be labeled “unemployed” once I get back to BKK. I know finally I will have a job, but what and when? I hate waiting for it so much and have waited too long. This is why deep down I’ve felt sad. Even Magali, Thanh Thanh’s friend, saw that and told her. (Don’t blame your friend, Magali.) It is that obvious. But it doesn’t mean that I haven’t been happy at all. I have, but in my own way, like Hirayama. Eventually we have to get our shit together and continue living as things are at the moment. 

วันวานยังหวานอยู่ (filmed in 2014)

…..

Word of the day: drastic

I just got my old-school undercut no. 2 haircut this evening because I couldn’t stand the heat anymore. Otherwise my head would feel hot, and I would be so hot-headed. “You got a drastic haircut this year. You shaved your head…” Z. said to me when I entered the kitchen. At first I forgot that I had had a buzz cut earlier this year. “Ah right, then I… dyed it red. Now here is the same old Pete,” I continued. 

Yes I had drastic hairstyles during the first half of 2024. Looking back, it corresponded to my chaotic and unresting life situations. I was lost and confused. Now I’m back to my classic, real me: an organized, radical man under a plain appearance. Probably this is my attempt to take control of my life and things around me since stuff got out of my hands for too long. 

Back to normal

……

Jun 22

Today Maïté left the apartment, she was the first one to move out. And in a month, I’d be the last. 

This was the beginning of the end. 

Everyone knows that the journey has to end one day, but I believe most of them ain’t prepared to leave this Neverland. Saying goodbye is sad, but I’ve never been this ready to say it before. Some bridges have to be burnt down as well. I don’t intend to be a cruel person, at some point we have to learn who to keep in our lives. That moment has already come to me, and people like Maïté and her boyfriend are the ones I’d keep in my life.

…..

Jun 25

“C’est dommage…” 

That’s a shame: that’s what my thesis supervisor said to me. She’s already known since two weeks ago that I’m not interested in doing a doctoral degree. “Normally a master’s thesis doesn’t require an originality, but yours has, and it could be built on in the doctorate.” Then she said that she didn’t often encourage students to do a Ph.D. except those in whom she really saw a potential. She didn’t try to persuade me, though, to change my mind. But I have to admit I was a bit flattered. She was so nice to give me some questions in Greek I could work on before the presentation next Tuesday. I joked to Yaxuan, another student in Mme P.’s supervision, that she didn’t want to let us humiliate ourselves and her if we weren't able to speak Greek in front of a bunch of people. Anyway, Madam is really a great teacher, and I couldn’t make it without her.

…..

It’s just been a week since I started applying for jobs back home. But it’s killing me so bad, not getting any responses from companies yet. One with which I had an interview two weeks ago just disappeared, and I feel kind of relieved that they did because their culture of working might be too Thai, too capitalistic and too hierarchical to me. I’m so stressed that it may affect my ejaculation, I’ve noticed. 

…..

Jun 28

Expression of the day: “ลาเธอได้สักที” (la-ter-dai-sak-tee - ‘finally I can say goodbye.’)

…..

I said goodbye to some people for the past three days. The first one was my therapist at the student’s club. Last Wednesday was our last session, and I still crazily talked about things out loud as usual. “Just have to be a bit more patient,” Elphi said after I complained that I felt so annoyed and suffocated to wait for replies for my job applications. She was absolutely right, but I still hated this feeling of insecurity, knowing nothing about my career future. Who would want to be unemployed immediately after taking a Master’s degree? I don’t want to be that person either, otherwise I’d think it was such a waste of time doing a postgraduate degree and have no decent job waiting for me out there. But alright, I’ll be patient. I’ve been for ages, a few weeks more wouldn’t kill me. 

Yesterday it was Magali. She texted me late on Wednesday night to ask if I was available to meet her. Of course I wanted to hang out with her and our friends before she returned to her country. “We’re bad at organization,” she told me when I asked what time and where to meet. Then she sent the location of a kafeneio. When I got there, it was closed. Magali and Thanh Thanh arrived at the same time. “Oh you’re really bad at organizing things,” I laughed in my head. It was an adorable, bad incident. Then Mike took us to another taverna called Stasi in Ano Poli. We ordered like a ton of food, almost finishing it up. I was very happy with my panseta, grilled pork belly, that was perfectly cooked and almost justly seasoned if it had been less salty. “I can tell from your eyes that you are happy. You have never been this happy before,” Mike observed. Yes I was very happy with that meal: all the worries disappeared for a while. I felt so χαρούμενος (charoumenos - happy) that I asked Mike to roll a cigarette for me. I’m not a smoker, but last night was the exception. Then we went through the rain to a good ice-cream shop downtown. That’s where we said goodbye to her. Some people said a few weeks ago that to their eyes she didn’t look like a French person: she was simply Magali. I agreed. 

Then I accompanied Thanh Thanh back to her place. I told her that I’d put her name, along with a few others’ from our programme, in my thesis acknowledgements. It seemed she appreciated it. Then I told her that Miss Earrings also had a goodbye dinner that night too, but she notified too late so I couldn’t join even though I actually could. “Won’t you feel sad?” She asked. I might, but I’d already chosen with whom I wanted to spend the night. And I was sure Miss E. would be fine without me. Anyway I texted her that I couldn’t join, that she had fun for the rest of the night with her friends. 

This afternoon it was her turn. I was working in the morning while she was packing and stuff. It was raining again today as if the sky had done the crying for me. I didn’t feel sad because it was just another day going by. Everyone continued to live their life. She shared some macaroni salad she made herself for lunch. “I did it a lot and I don’t want to throw them away. That’s a shame,” she said. Alright then. It was refreshing, the salad, by the way. 20 minutes later she was about to leave. I hugged her goodbye, saying I loved her. I don’t know if she really heard that because she didn’t say anything back except that someday she might go to Thailand. “You be well,” I sent her off with a smile. She smiled back. That was the last image of hers before I closed the door, going back to the sink to do our dishes. Two hours later I took a deep breath and began to burn down some bridges. That was it. 

She shouldn’t have said she loved me as a friend that night. I took it seriously. Maybe we were really friends for a brief moment before I ruined everything. Before I said I loved her that night. Maybe it was my fault not to have made myself clear I loved her as a family. So dumb I was. Maybe it wasn’t my fault either, but cultural differences’ and our natures’. Mutual caring is not something you can ask from someone to give you, or the other way round. And I know I shouldn’t compare people from different backgrounds and cultures, but it couldn’t help. I couldn’t complain about this in front of her because this thing is actually bigger than any of us.

Despite this, I really appreciated both good and bad times, for and with her. I think I was taking good care of her, beyond my duty as a roommate, while she was seriously sick. (I just realized I had barely written the journal when she was really sick last year.) I was always welcome when she knocked on the door and asked me for help or anything. I loved when we hung out, I loved when we talked, I loved us having the balcony partnership (as Juan once put it), I loved all those little moments. I loved her and really wanted to keep her in my life. Hopefully she would be in my life again. I really hope so. Now I let time decide. 

Even though I don’t love you anymore, you’ll always be on my mind. I sincerely thank you for making me stronger and weaker, happier and sadder. Thank you for making my life purposeful when you were around and pointless when you weren’t. Thank you for everything, thank you for all these feelings. Without you I wouldn’t have known what kind of person I’d become in the near future, if not for the rest of my life.

Live your life to the fullest, do whatever you want, and be with whoever makes you smile.

Goodbye, my Miss Earrings. 

…..

Jun 30

OTW to Bologna 

“Don’t think of me as your professor, but as your mom today,” Mme P. joked while we were waiting for our second flight at Athens. Then later she and Ch. showed me the coin pockets I’d given them as gifts from Thailand months ago. “I don’t know if after this trip I’ll be richer or poorer, I’ll see.” Ha, she should meet Mr. Piri, aka “the prof of all profs,” back in Chula. Their senses of humor are quite the same. A bit sarcastic (towards themselves) but funny and friendly. Then the two madams went for a walk after knowing that there’d be a half-an-hour delay. “Bon travail,” Mme P. said to me. Then I opened my laptop to write this. 

CLE haunts everywhere

…..

Yesterday there was a EuroPride parade downtown, I briefly joined because I’d not packed yet. To tell the truth, the parade was so Greek: people marched two steps, then stopped for ten minutes, and repeatedly (of course I exaggerate, but it was really slow). What was more important was the enthusiasm and energy of the crowd. They danced, danced and danced like crazy (that’s why the défilé didn’t advance much). Without being PC, may I say that this was the first time I really saw LGBTQA+ people in the city. I never felt that Thessaloniki was a city for queers, as it claimed, because I barely saw them. Probably there are still major stigmas towards them in this society, so many people haven’t come out yet, I guess. 

Yayy

In the evening a Greek, whom I’d met from the conferences three months ago, asked me to hang out with her and her French friend as they were leaving the city in a few days. We had a good time, at least I did. I would have stayed a bit longer if I hadn’t had flights to Bologna in the morning. Before I left, the French girl randomly asked me this: in Thai you count one, two, three - neung, song, sam, right? I was like, how did you know? When she said she knew that from the names of some sibling characters in a Thai series, I could just figure out the rest. Was it a lesbian series: Yes. Was it the one with Preen and Becca: Yes. And I like this part the most - did you know the series from TikTok: Fucking hell yes. She also knew that there’d be a new film from this on-screen couple coming out next week in Thailand. Oh God, that made me miss Al. a bit. She was (and still is, I suppose) a fan of Preen and Becca after discovering their series on TikTok. “Now I am proud of my country, having some things people abroad really like,” I said. 

porrorchor's experimental on-board entertainment

…..

Jul 7

OTW back to Salonica

This week in Italy was packed with incidents and emotions. But first of all, I have to admit that Bologna really has its charm. I didn’t expect anything about this city and even was reluctant to come. But when I took a walk in the center on Monday, it was so beautiful with the architecture and the vibe. Food here wasn’t disappointing like some had said. The university’s buildings also looked, I’d say, “sacred” and ready to mystify my last days in this programme. I attended two thesis defenses, and one of them was in Greek. Somehow it didn’t seem scary at all and gave me some confidence for the next day.

My thesis presentation was quite fun to me although it wasn’t fluent. I tried to make it a performance, having eye contact both with the jury and the audience, doing hands and voices. The Q&A part in Greek was quick, Madam P. just asked me two questions out of four and I answered with the materials I’d prepared. The fun and interesting part was the Q&A in French. Madam Z. first asked me the question of “sakdina” or Thai hierarchy. That was easy. Then she asked me this: do you think the “auto-colonization” in Thailand can be compared with the colonization in Algeria? Wow, I didn’t see that coming. I thought for a second then answered. Of course they weren’t totally the same. But I would say during Thai auto-colonization, social and urban developments were done because of the threat of colonizers: we had to be seen as “civilized” enough to avoid being colonized. But knowledge was limited to the elites who had studied abroad, and the people were still oppressed by authorities and lived in difficulties. Anyway, the most interesting question came from a professor of Dakar University. Oh he introduced his questions for three minutes and I unintentionally interrupted him two times because I thought he had finished. “Why [the hell - I think he must have added this in his head] did you study colonialism in these novels even though your country was never colonized?” This is a brief version of the question. Well. I didn’t directly study colonialism itself, but about capitalism as a heritage of the colonial era. And I didn’t make up anything while working on these novels, I just extracted the capitalist aspects and analyzed them. “I haven’t read your work, but it is interesting,” he said. I thanked him for the compliment. “Other questions?” I asked before the moderator did as usual. Everyone laughed. “This kid must be so bold that he asks for more questions,” one might think. It was also funny to see, with all due respect, the reactions of white people listening to me mentioning colonialism and capitalism for 40 minutes, especially the three moderators who were doing their eyebrows all the time as if they wanted to argue but couldn’t. “They were confused but you intimidated them,” Thanh Thanh said in the later day. After the presentation, Madam Z. said hello to the students and was reminded I’d got “pink hair”. I was confused for two seconds then got what she meant. It was so funny to see a lecturer know this kind of thing about a student of hers. I think professors and teachers gossip about their students better than the students do to them. Another thing I was proud of myself was that Mme F. personally congratulated me for the thesis and said the work was really interesting. Then she recommended to me Obert (Observatoire Européen des Récits du Travail) that principally analyzes contemporary concepts of work(ers) through writings and literature. 

ENDGAME

My worlds also collided during this terrific moment. First there was a reunion of the programme’s current students and alumni, and it was nice to see familiar faces again. Some of the last promotion’s alumni were still finding their paths; a few continued their studies in Ph.D. and others already worked somewhere. I wish Ronjeh had been there too, it would have definitely been more fun than talking on Whatsapp. Then Rin and her boyfriend arrived in Bologna on Tuesday afternoon, a few hours after my thesis presentation. So the timing was just right. We were taking a walk all around the center, had a great dinner at Trattoria Fantoni (whose staff was super friendly and where beef tartare was superb) and drank a bit at Senza Nome. They bought me dinner and drinks that night, and I appreciated that so much. We three met my family in Modena two days later. “Yin-dee-tee-dai-roo-jak, nice to meet you,” Rin taught Christian the term to say before he met my parents. This occasion thus became a practice for him to learn Thai before becoming a son-in-law in a Thai-Chinese household in the future. My parents, particularly my dad, liked the couple so much because they were natural. “Men [are] left, women [are] right,” he made a joke to Christian on how to live with a life partner. 

🙏 & 🫰against the world

The family of my dad’s employee also came to Italy because they had always wanted to come to Europe. She brought her two children too. “These kids are luckier than all of us: at the ages of nine and six they’ve already traveled abroad so many times. When we were young, we didn’t have a notion of going overseas in our heads,” my dad said. These two cute little ones were very patient and calm, however. They had to wait two days until they got to eat some margarita pizza they’d longed for. “This is a lesson and demystification for them to know that not every Italian restaurant has pizzas,” my dad joked. On Friday, late in the morning, our guide brought us to Cavour, a great gelato place. The shop was still closed, so we tried to find some ice cream for the kids. But no gelato shop was open before noon. We felt like we had unintentionally given a life lesson to the kids too harshly. “Poor things, they ain’t got any pizza, nor ice cream,” my uncle said.

All my lives, at once

In the afternoon it was the adults’ turn to get some life lessons. Our van’s AC was down and the repair wasn’t finished in time, therefore we decided to take a bus to go to the graduation ceremony downtown. “That is good, so the kids will learn how to take a bus here. Back home it’s always their mom driving to and back from school for them,” everyone laughed. The guide, who wasn’t a Bologna local, got a 10-ticket card and two separate tickets for us. She later said she validated the 10-ticket card once. When she was validating it for the second time, the box turned red, so she thought it was good to validate once for ten people. While we were about to reach the university, three inspectors came and said we had to pay fines for validating the ticket once. Actually we had to validate ten times for ten people. But what the hell could we do when the validation box wasn’t working properly and there was no regulation annonce on the bus? We still had nine freaking tickets in that card and the inspectors should have just warned us and told us, the tourists who didn’t know shit, to validate the rest of the tickets immediately on board. Instead they dragged us out from the bus and insisted we pay the fines. “You’re committing a crime, so you have to pay,” a woman inspector said. This was just a pure ignorance that could have been resolved by you telling us to validate the rest of the tickets. You were just wanting a commission for charging tourists, easy peasy, you ain’t thought we didn’t know that? The guide suggested we let them send bills to our homes and not pay, but it wasn’t worth doing. My dad got really upset that he raised his voice to the inspector: “I pay!” The inspectors were also panicking, but eventually they’d get some commission as a prize. “These people have no good judgment,” the guide was sorry, but my dad told her to let it go. Hours later, when Anna asked my dad what he thought about Italy, he bittersweetly laughed inside. “Miss, I just took the most expensive public bus in your country. I didn’t know what to say,” he later joked among us. Alright, children, lesson no. 1: Make money as much as possible and don’t use public transportation while traveling abroad. 

But the rest of the evening went perfectly well. Some of my colleagues and Mme P. met my parents. Actually I had exchanged some words to Mme P. and given her a gift right after the ceremony. But when my family and I were taking pictures downstairs, she came to greet my parents. I always noticed she constantly wept her eyes, probably having a problem with them. But it seemed she cried that moment, and it was the first time I saw that. “Your son is a very good student,” she said in English. “You’re a great teacher too!” I said. Then I introduced some of my master’s colleagues to my parents. It was such a lovely moment. I skipped the programme’s cocktail party to have dinner with my family. But later I met friends in the center, drinking a bit and accompanying them until 12:30. We said goodbye for quite some time, then I walked Thanh Thanh to her residence and came back to my hotel at 2. It was a good closure. In the morning I went to Venice with my family, Rin and Christian. The weather was so fantastic, a bit hot but ventilating, perfect to have some gelato and wander around. Got to get in a gondola, took some nice photos and shared a great time with the ones I love. We separated with the couple in the evening, and I flew back to Greece today to do some laundry and rest. 

Classic

…..

Jul 16

OTW to Athens

Sunday was the beginning of my last week living in Greece and that of my final big trip this year (I think). The trip started in Heraklion, Crete and I’d spend two nights here before meeting Bambi and p’M. in Athens. I didn’t know where to go after leaving my luggage in the morning. So I took a brochure and saw that this Knossos place was interesting. I went there with complete ignorance that it was one of the most ancient cities in the world. A lot of tourists did come to the site (mostly the French ones today), yet I enjoyed my visit. Then, I took a big walk around the Venetian port. The wind was so strong that I barely had to walk. After a 2.5-hour nap, I went out for dinner with Margarita, a former colleague from the master’s who lives here. She took me to this traditional Cretan restaurant and I saw a dish called “gamopilafo” on the menu. I could guess it must have something to do with the wedding because of the word “gamo(s - γάμος). She told me it is a dish cooked late at night during Cretan weddings when everybody has eaten, drunk and danced so much that they get hungry again. Interesting, so I ordered it. I got a bit first disappointed by its look: it is basically freaking porridge with no toppings at all. Just pilaf in white soup. “Is it supposed to be like this?” I asked Margarita. Turned out it was quite tastier than its appearance, but quite heavy. Then we caught up on things in our lives. Even though she now had a summer gig in her hometown, she planned to move from here to find better career opportunities in the capital. It is also difficult for a person like her, capable of speaking five European languages, to get a real, decent job. “I had this arrogance that as a master’s graduate from Europe, I must have a better chance to find a job,” I said, “but reality hit.” She laughed, “it really hit. You know I also had this thought, that I speak five languages and I’d have an advantage. I didn’t. I wanted to be a translator but I didn’t have any work experience. When I applied for jobs, they required experience. But how could I get any if no one accepted me?” I agreed. Anyway, I am sure that she will get a satisfying job because she really is a talented person.

General things in Crete

……

Jul 20

Greece is a country full of content: this fact is guaranteed by two Thais who came here for the first time. 

I met Bambi and p’ M. at the airport on the 16th in the morning. A day earlier, an unfortunate incident happened, but we managed to do the trip as it had been planned for months and it would be the only time they visited Greece. In the first 15 minutes we could feel some similarities between Athens and Bangkok. “Why the airport metro here is fucking chaotic like Suvarnabhumi’s Airport Link?” P’ M. said. When we reached Syntagma to drop our suitcases in a locker, the weather was burning. It was even hotter than in Bangkok at this moment. Then we went to a bookstore called Hyper Hypo that Bambi found. It was quite instagramable and chic, but quiet and full of interesting photo books. “If it was situated in BKK, there’d be only people coming and making content for their Instagrams,” I said. Bambi was finding Yorgos Lanthimos’ Poor Things photo book and she was hesitating to get this 55-euro thing. (Eventually we came back the next day and she bought it.) After, we went to take some photos in front of the Academy of Athens, then visited Plato's academic park. My God, was this a part or a desert?! No greenery, only sand in the middle of nowhere in Athens. It was so hot that the girls got sick later in the evening. But the park’s digital learning center, despite its appearance, turned out to be good. In a video presentation, even the residents regretted its deteriorated, abandoned state. At night I let the girls rest and went out to meet Elena’s cousin, whom I’d met in Nafpaktos, and her friends. Exhausted, I was happy for the first day.

…..

Jul 21

OTW back home

Last day in Salonica was quite animated. I took Bambi to a MOMus art museum as requested because she wanted to see some Picasso exhibition here. But I took her to the MOMus contemporary art museum, which was the wrong one (there are four of them). But the girls liked it anyway because there were a lot of cool works from the Greeks. During lunch we went to Diagonios 1977 to have some gyros and pancetta as a send-off meal, then we went to the MOMus modern art museum that held the Picasso thing. But I think the highlight of this museum was the dog lying at the ticket counter. It looked old and seemed to have energy to do nothing except stay still. We came back to the apartment by 16:30, took some showers before flights and drove to the airport. I looked into the kitchen and said thank you to the place. “It’s the beginning of a new phase of your life,” p’ M. said while we were going downstairs. Before boarding, my landlord texted me regarding some inconveniences with the girls’ staying and tried to make it up for them. I told him not to worry (actually he should have). Out of nowhere he said this: “You’ve been a gentleman so I have to act likewise.” Eh… I mean, if he was trying to mess up with my head, it was a brilliant strategy. But if he really meant that, eh, okay. Honestly, I always “felt” he had been messing up with me. For example, recently I asked him to keep a big room for the girls for three nights and I paid him some bucks (he asked for it, I don’t know if Z. paid when she brought her friend and sister to stay over). But when we arrived on Thursday, there were no keys on the lock. I was pissed and called him immediately. And his excuse was that there was a guy wanting to rent a smaller room but never showed up. So he had to take the keys back for “security reasons.” Man, you should just have hidden the big room’s keys somewhere I could find. He left the small room for us. P’ M. suggested I ask half of what I’d paid back. He sounded reluctant and awkward when I asked him that, but eventually he gave it back. I think it was a bit of a shame that he wasn’t consistent throughout the year. At the beginning he was helpful, then he just changed. I don’t know why. He didn’t become explicitly rude to me. But more ignorant and inattentive, yes. Plus things here were breaking down by the time I was leaving. And it was freaking intolerable to live without AC during summer. That was really a shame. I’d recommend this place if it didn’t turn out like this in the end.

…..

This trip was full of funny, weird content. I know it is absolutely a crazy idea for Southeastern Asian people to come to Europe in the summer: it just sounds white, to put it funny. 

A superb view from Stavros Niarchos Foundation Cultural Center

On the second day of the trip, when we arrived in Acropoli, it was 11:00. We tried to find as many shades as possible because the heat was unbearable. The site was packed with tourists as always. By the time we reached the colons, an officer shouted “we are closing in 15 minutes, at noon.” Huuuuuuuuuuh? Later, I asked the other one why. “Because of the heatwave, we’ll close from noon to 5 pm for two days.” And why the heck no one warned the visitors before?! When we entered, I heard someone say “after five” in English but didn’t know what it was about. “If you’d like to visit again today, you have to buy new tickets,” that officer said. Also, they later said they had warned about the heatwave closure “on the site’s website,” but who the heck would notice that after they bought tickets online. This was totally awful. Even a Greek couldn’t understand this. Anyway, on a bright side we three had Pathenon and the Nike colons for ourselves for 10 minutes as we were the last ones going down the hill. So, we got some stunning, tourist-free shots of Acropoli. That doesn’t happen every day and to everyone. “I closed Acropoli for them,” I joked in my Instagram story. After Acropoli, I took Bambi and p’ M. to a magirefta place in the market. I saw this place open since 1898 but didn’t expect the food would be fucking amazing. We had lamb liver, sausages in chili sauce (this one was really spicy) and pasta and octopus. P’ M. noticed that the son/cook of the magirefta watched us eat. “He must be curious why these Asians have a meal for six people?” I don’t know if the photos of Anthony Bourdain and Jamie Oliver were hanging on the wall because the two had come or the owner just put those pictures there. But this place was so good that p’ M. had to come back again for breakfast the next day. She said that the father (we called him “uncle”) tried to tell her she only could have soups for breakfast, but she saw some other dishes ready. The son interfered, argued with his dad, and let p’ M. have fresh mackerel-like fish and rice. “The son just tried to tell his dad: ‘Just break the tradition and give her some real food. Didn’t you see how much food she and her company fucking ate yesterday?’” It was so funny with this OG magirefta.

รวมมิตรกรีซ - The Mixed Greece

The visits to Delphi and Aristotle’s birthplace in Olympiada were the hardest as the heatwave really hit. The highlight of Delphi wasn’t the Temple or the Delphic Epsilon (which I tried to find in vain, thanks Vassilis Alexakis), but some malaka auntie. We saw a spot right in front of the museum and reversed the car to park. Then out of nowhere a local just stole it and parked her car there. I pressed a klaxon and tried to stop her, but it obviously didn't work. That was absolutely rude. “If I were you, I’d just tease her by almost hitting their car,” p. M., upset, said. Sis, wait I supposed to take care of you, calm down. Anyway, the heat was so strong that p. M. had to take a day off on Friday staying in her air-conditioned Airbnb and let us go to Olympiada alone. On the site, for the first time in my freaking life, I could see heat waves in nature through my sunglasses. Goddamnit. We really came here in the wrong season. Despite her philosophical spirit as an alumnus in philosophy, Bambi quickly asked to leave after half an hour of visit. What was a bit sad there was that keepers of the site didn’t have a booth to take cover, but they were sitting under the trees. I didn’t know how they could stand this weather and they really needed some proper place to get some shade. Anyway, after visiting the site, we had a seafood meal and took a nap on the beach. “Am I in Rayong now?” I said, looking around and thinking about my uncle’s sea town in the east of Thailand. In the evening we met the Paralia group of friends, and I was glad all were getting along quite well. 

WHAT ARE THE ODDS FOR THIS?

Before going back from Athens to Salonica, there was a little surprise. Miss Earrings texted me to ask when I would be back because she hadn’t moved yet until Saturday, a day before my departure. Shit, shit, shit, I just lost my chill in front of my girls. Shit, I’d already burnt the bridge whether she noticed or not. But instinctively, I wrote a message to invite her to dinner with all my friends on Friday night. “If you don’t wanna have anything to do with her anymore, why do that? That means you still miss her. Don’t argue with us,” Bambi and p’ M. both said. I tried to defend myself but couldn’t, because deep down I did still miss her. But their words really woke me up. They were right. So, to cut ties, I immediately edited my messages and just simply told her I’d be back on Thursday evening. When I was back to the apartment, we barely saw each other and only exchanged some words during those last days. She would go to Spain and back to Italy because of her studies, and then would return to her hometown to finish her thesis. “I still haven’t gone to Meteora yet,” she said when I told her my Saturday plan. I could have funnily asked her if she wanted to miss the flight back home that morning and join us. “If she really came, we would just talk in Thai,” p’ M. joked. Frankly seeing her this time, I felt numb. But okay, let bygones be bygones. At the end we simply said goodbye, and in hours our lives would be normal like before: the ones without each other.

So long

…..

A dream left undone could be easily gone with the wind after some time. P’ M.’s dream of going to Meteora, whose name is that of a Linkin Park album, aged exactly two decades. She already forgot the destination because it was too freaking difficult to come despite much easier transportation and technology today. So, she was surprised when I, not knowing anything about this dream of hers, told them I’d take them to Meteora. On Saturday July 20, it was the seventh anniversary of Chester Bennington’s death, and we went to the monasteries that day. What were the odds? I mean, that’s why many Thais, me included, are superstitious. The most scientific explanation of all this would be “it’s just a coincidence.” But this kind of coincidence could be traced back four years ago when p’ M. took me in as an intern. And if I hadn’t chosen to study in Salonica and planned the trip like this, such an event couldn’t have happened. But I am glad it did happen.

What's worth fighting for

On the way to Kalampaka, we listened to the band’s tracks and talked about him. The second we parked near the Megalo Meteoron, p’ M. shed tears. I never saw her cry before, so this really meant the world to her. We hadn’t thought of going inside the monastery, but eventually we bought tickets and climbed some stairs to get in there. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking, and the weather that day was chilling. P’ M. even said it was the most beautiful monastery or church she’d visited. Thinking of Chester, her favorite singer, she reunited with her Jesus (or God? Not sure). What about me? I was taking photos and then some Eastern European auntie just shamelessly poked me and stole my spot. Goddamnit this country was really packed with random things. Next we went to the little monastery of Roussanou, also magnificent, but it had better souvenirs available. Before driving back to Salonica, we stopped at a local minimart to buy refreshments. I was waiting in the car to keep the engines started. But what took the girls so long? Bambi was freaking out of my sight, and p’ M. was talking quite long with the owner lady. Ten minutes later they got into the car. What happened, I asked. “Dude,” Bambi laughed, “this was real content. I tried to ask for a cup with ice from the uncle, and ended up getting a plastic bag full of ice.” Let me summarize this. She said ice in Greek “paga” instead of “pago (the accusative form of “pagos - πάγος”). The uncle seemingly understood her and got ice cream for her. She had no choice but to get that ice cream because she didn’t want to be rude. She asked for “paga” again and made gestures that she wanted it in a cup. Now the uncle understood and disappeared for quite some time. He came back with a big plastic bag full of ice. Fuck, Bambi thought. “I could pour my lemonade in the bag and drink it in a Thai way by putting a straw.” Suddenly the uncle mixed all the ice with his bare hand, for what fucking reason we didn’t know. So the ice was contaminated. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t drive. “At least you said “lemonada” in Greek right and you got ice!” I gave her a compliment. As for p’ M., she got a hard sell by the auntie who diligently talked to her in English. Instead of getting milk and a Sprite, p’ M. bought drinkable yogurt, whose taste and texture were so bad, and a mastika soda. “Auntie said these products couldn’t be found elsewhere and really wanted me to try, so okay I had them. Fortunately this mastika thing doesn’t taste like root beer, if not I would just spit it inside this car.” We drove through the A2 motorway, which has a series of tunnels and bridges over abysses. “Now I’m not surprised why people here built some place like Meteora,” p’ M. said. “They even built a road cutting through mountains and abysses.” Anyway, I got to see the third double rainbow during the past two years. I’d seen the first two around this season before moving to Strasbourg and Thessaloniki. It was so coincidental I saw this one before going home. 

My life couldn't be luckier

…..

Days of Being Kao is concluded with Epilogue: How to Live with the Ruins of Life.

Recap some moments in Marrakech, Vienna, Bratislava, Oslo, Nafpaktos & Bologna

in Paiklaiklai reels on Instagram: @porrorchor

Experienced and written by: Peerachai Pasutan

Illustration by: @kandycraft.kt

Some photos and videos taken by: my brother, my soon-to-be sister in-law, Rin & Bambi

#DOBK